Monday, January 16, 2012
I was described at work today by a coworker as a free bird....she said, "For goodness sake you picked up and moved to France for 3 months!" and it's true...after being home for about 3 or 4 months I was feeling the need to get out, to go somewhere...to have an adventure...and that feeling hasn't left me....in fact, it just keeps growing. I feel as if the spontaneity is being sucked out of me and my life. That is the one aspect of college life that I miss...the ease with which you just jumped into anything and everything, not caring about sleep or health...and then it was always easier because you had multiple friends that all lived right there to take the leap with you...now it's down to just a few friends, none of which live within 10 minutes of me and even if they did it wouldn't much matter because our schedules always clash and we're always all so busy with our big, grown up lives....going to school, working our 40 hours a week, running errands, doing laundry....what happened to having fun and enjoying life?! How can life change so much in just 8 short months...I went from maybe getting 5 hrs of sleep a night, doing my grocery shopping anytime after 9 or 10 pm, having unending energy, always going out and doing stuff, hanging out with friends...and I feel like I had a tighter schedule then: 25 hrs of work, 21 college credits, piano lessons and practice time, church, homework.... Now I have to get 8 hrs of sleep or I'm really tired and/or get sick if the trend of not getting 8 hrs continues for several nights, if I go out and do something with friends it's a rare occasion, running to Target is actually a highlight of my day, after I get home from work I don't have the energy or drive to go do anything...I feel like the life is being sucked out of me...if this is what being an adult is then I'm on the first train to Never-never-land. I do enjoy knowing that I am responsible and self-sufficient, that I can take care of and support myself. I do love my job...but it all makes me feel so constrained and restricted...like I don't have time to truly enjoy myself. On my days off, if they aren't consumed with chores and errands, I sit around wondering what in the world I am going to do with myself because there's no one to hang out with cuz they're all working or at school and there's no where to go and nothing to do all by yourself....so then I feel like I've wasted a day....I've said it in my last 2 blogs but ever since the new year I've felt this sense of anticipation and excitement...like something is about to happen, like there's going to be a change...and I'd welcome it, I just don't know what it is! I crave adventure and spontaneity, for possibly the first time in my life I am kind of craving change. But I don't know what kind of change. Maybe it's just the restless wanderer within needing to get out and go....it makes sense that after being home for only 3 or 4 months I was ready to go somewhere...in the past 3 years the longest I've been home is 2, maybe 2 1/2 months at once because of school. Maybe it's the need for change and adventure that has led me to car shopping online :) Who knows if it will happen but I sat down with my dad and found a few prospects! Then I will own my very own car...and my parents can have the one they gave me back!...which will make their lives a lot easier...and then I won't feel like a burden to them (which is a feeling that I positively despise!) I know that I'm not a burden to them, but I hate that I'm racking up the miles on this car and using it all the time and then they pay for repairs and oil changes...if I paid for the car then I would pay for repairs and while I'm not looking forward to spending that extra money, at least I won't feel like I'm and extra load on my parents! We'll see what comes of this car hunt...I don't know, maybe it's just a need to feel independent...that has always been a strength taken to excess with me.. I am independent, but then I push my independence to it's limits sometimes...I push for more, I try to be more independent and self-sufficient than I need to be...which isn't always a bad thing, but it isn't always a good thing either. Oh well, I suppose that's all a part of finding your wings and growing up ;) Maybe this craving for fun and adventure will be solved after I go to Indiana in a week and a half! We will just have to wait and see!
Thursday, January 12, 2012
I know that I am becoming a responsible adult because: staying up past 10:30 pm is late and definitely past my bedtime, sleeping in means sleeping until 8:30 am (9 at the absolute latest), my day off is consumed with doing laundry, cleaning and running errands, I no longer really have a social life (sadness), I have multiple bills to pay on a monthly basis, I complain about gas prices and how often I have to fill my tank, I work a 40 hr work week, work has basically become/consumed my life, when I'm out and I see high schoolers I can no longer even remotely relate and find them rather immature and annoying most of the time, I no longer live in the present but think about how everything can affect the future, I am becoming stingy with money, I plan my own trips and vacations, I pay rent, and the list goes on..... and when I was little I couldn't wait to grow up....what was wrong with me!? Lol! No, it might not be all fun, games and play time but I definitely enjoy the freedom and the responsibility...I like knowing that I can pay for all of my own necessities and don't have to rely on my poor parents for everything! (I'm sure they enjoy and appreciate that as well lol!) Do I still sometimes feel and act like a kid again....oh most definitely :) I am still daddy's little girl and the baby of the family....and those things will never change :) In other news I have 2 new men in my life...their names are Prince and Presley... aka my 2 new betta fishies! Prince is so named because he is mostly white and purple with the purple changing to a deep blue at the ends...so upon seeing him he was named Prince and I sing "Purple Rain" to him almost every day :) Presley is a gorgeous blue going into green, so he's a sparkly little aqua looking guy... Natalie helped me name him but it's very fitting because when I think of Elvis I think of sequins and sparkles....so it works lol! It's so hard to get a good pic of them so I don't have any yet...but hopefully soon you will be able to see them! Sadie had to give them a good sniff down when I first brought them home...she's not quite sure about fish and she never has been....Presley is sitting on a lower piece of furniture than Prince so hopefully she doesn't try to eat him or anything like that! (see I told you I'm becoming a responsible adult...getting 2 new fish is the exciting news in my life) But for real...I can't wait for it to be 2 weeks from now because then I'm going to Indy for Live Recording and I can't wait to see all of my friends!!!!! Last night was my first night of French classes at Alliance Francaise! I was nervous like a kid at their first day of kindergarten but it went well and I actually answered several questions and had to talk in French and I didn't completely fail, so that's a plus! It's a small class, just 6 girls and the teacher is a guy...poor man....I think it'll be fun and good for me! So next time I go to France to visit everyone I'll actually be able to speak to them in French without chickening out! yay me! :) I'm off to get ready for work .... au revoir!
Monday, January 2, 2012
Maybe it's cuz it's the new year but I feel the need for change and adventure...I'm feeling risky....and I like it...now what kind of risk do I want to take?! What kind of change and/or adventure do I want to embark on!? 2011 was definitely one of the best years of my life. I graduated from college, Indiana Bible College to be exact, with a BA in Music and did something I didn't think I could...I graduated with a 4.0 GPA and was valedictorian (I also didn't think I would survive my speech lol!)...I'm not trying to brag or be like hey look at me, I'm smart, cuz it has nothing to do with that...I worked my butt off and did my absolute best and was still scared I wasn't gonna make it...but thank God I did! Besides that wonderful bit of 2011, I also got to spend 3 of the most wonderful months of my life living in France, surrounded by people I grew to love and respect. Those short 3 months were completely life changing and revolutionary. I will always have France running through my veins. And then there's just the regular having a good job working with people I like doing something I love and living with the best family I could ask for and going to the best church I've ever been in....yeah 2011 had it's rough spots and not so happy moments but the good so far outweighs the bad. And even though 2011 was such a great year...I just can't shake this feeling that 2012 is going to be even better!!! I can't even figure out how that is possible! I'm heading back to school in a round about sort of way next week...I will be going to the Minneapolis branch of Alliance Francaise, a French school based out of Paris. I will be taking a class one day a week for French....I can't wait to be completely fluent...I can already understand everything and can read most of it, I just need to gain confidence and more knowledge for the speaking and writing portion :P it's a bittersweet beginning...I'm excited to get back into learning French but that means one more thing to add to my already full schedule, but I know in the end it's gonna be worth it. I don't know when and if I'll be going back to France in the near future but I can tell you this, the language and culture will be something that will go with me everywhere and be with me always. I love it. Every little part of it. Maybe my first new change/risk other than going back to school will be jumping into the world of Apple... :) Tomorrow I have to go get my phone checked out cuz it's been acting up and if it's not fixable or if it's gonna be expensive to fix I'm just gonna get the iPhone 4...which I wouldn't mind too terribly much ;) Thank goodness I made some decent money over the holidays! Well I must say goodnight lest I fall asleep at my laptop typing...which would be rather uncomfortable and challenging....so farewell and Happy New Year!